I just completed a series (and I use the term "just" loosely) on the search for God. You can read or review it by scrolling down and work yourself back up. As a result, I was asked by Michelle what Jesus meant to me. As she put it, "you've written this great argument where everyone gets to tell their opinion of Jesus, except you. I'd have liked to have heard what Jesus means to you, even more than hearing what Jesus meant to Pliny, St Paul or.. you get the idea.
What is Jesus to you? How do you feel about him? Never mind the logic and the reasoning - what makes Him important just to Jeff and Jeff's life?"
Before starting my new direction of where I am taking this blog, I thought I would address those questions. I get uncomfortable when talking about what Jesus means to me. I guess the reasons for that are a bit convoluted in my mind. You see, I am a hypocrite. I sing the praises of my Lord, then get caught up in my own life - despite knowing better. That simply makes me uncomfortable. However, I know that I am in good company. We are ALL hypocrites! It is in our human nature. So, if you ever hear anyone say that they don't want to go to church because of all the hypocrites there, ask them if it is better to stay away from church with all the hypocrites. At least in church (good ones, anyway), we are reminded of our hypocrisy and told to shun it. But, I digress.
What makes me a hypocrite just because I get caught up in my own life? As a Christian, I have basically given up my rights to my own life. As '80's rock group, Degarmo and Key put it on their 1989 single The Pledge, "He died for me; I'll live for Him". This pledge is what Christians take, even if it is just silently and spiritually. I sing the praises of Christ at the top of my lungs and with the strokes of these keys, yet I spend too much time worrying about my lot in life with marriage and finances. It sickens me.
In my other blog, Psychosomatic Wit, I do a weekly exercise called "NEWSFLASH". In the last installment of it (NEWSFLASH #6), I wrote, "I have been getting too caught up in my life situations lately. When I think about worrying about my wife not bringing in any money with two mortgages to pay, etc., I feel so hypocritical. I either trust in God, or I don't. No matter what the circumstance, things really shouldn't distract me so much. I mean, I only have 40 or 5o years (barring accidents and fatal disease) left on this planet. I can put up with ANYTHING for 40 years. I think about Jesus and HIS world. He just came to offer Himself up. He didn't claim ANY life for Himself. I can't live without a car or financial stress for a while? What a hypocrite I am."
Some people may have thought that the "I can put up with ANYTHING for 40 years" was a little tongue-in-cheek. It wasn't. As a Christian, 40, 80, or even 100 years is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. Jesus came from the bosom of the Father, just to die so his body can become a bridge between God and man. He didn't fuss about a car. He didn't even worry if Mary Magdalene had a crush on him (despite recent pieces of fiction). He just came to bridge the gap. During that mission, Jesus healed the sick, fed the poor, and comforted the mourning. If He had more years, He would have done so much more for the people of that time. Since He died for me, I should live for Him - be His hands and feet. I should help people find that bridge and extend love. I do those things, but not the way I should.
Don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean that I live in guilt. I don't. It is just sometimes uncomfortable to hide in darkness when His light shines in my soul to expose it. Fortunately, the life I must live is laid out before me with the strength of God to take me through it. That is the hope that I wouldn't have if I didn't know 
Christ.
Christ.What does Jesus mean to me? He means life. He means hope and strength. He means total sacrifice. It is a good thing that He also exemplifies forgiveness, because that is what I need, each day, each hour, each minute. And I have it so He also means joy beyond any circumstance - when I let it shine.
The disease of self runs through my blood
Like a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control
What's going on inside of me
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior
--Charley Peacock ("In the Light")
