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Published by Jeff
on Thursday, September 27, 2007 at 10:06 AM. 
I touched on this in my other blog, Psychosomatic Wit, but I am having a major concern about the walk that others see of me. I have generally been a happy person, full of hope. Lately, since my marriage, I am sure I don't come off that way. It is just the pressure is getting to me.
My wife has some problems that hopefully she is working out. In the meantime, she has no job and subjects me to the fallout over her problems. This fallout amounts to torture. My home should be a refuge, but it isn't and that is taking a toll.
As a result of her unemployment and my inability to sell my other house, finances are getting to me also. I have cut out all recreational spending and all purchases that rise above absolute necessity. That is too much pressure, also, because I was subjected to this kind of poverty - wondering if I will have electricity today type stuff when I was a kid after my father died.
I am also checking on my mother at least three times daily. She is disabled after having 34 hours of brain surgery. My time and stress plate is full. Quite ironically, the times I check on my mother are the most peaceful times of my day.
I mentioned all these things just to say this: People who see me and observe my "walk" are probably not seeing in me the God of peace that we all long for. I am not representing well. I know that we all go through valleys and this is normal, but that doesn't excuse those strangers and acquaintenances that do not know my story. I don't feel compelled to tell it anyway.
My faith sustains me. I don't know where I would be without it - or maybe I do and it isn't pretty. Yet, it sure doesn't look that great from the outside observer. I just wish I was stronger.
My wife has some problems that hopefully she is working out. In the meantime, she has no job and subjects me to the fallout over her problems. This fallout amounts to torture. My home should be a refuge, but it isn't and that is taking a toll.
As a result of her unemployment and my inability to sell my other house, finances are getting to me also. I have cut out all recreational spending and all purchases that rise above absolute necessity. That is too much pressure, also, because I was subjected to this kind of poverty - wondering if I will have electricity today type stuff when I was a kid after my father died.
I am also checking on my mother at least three times daily. She is disabled after having 34 hours of brain surgery. My time and stress plate is full. Quite ironically, the times I check on my mother are the most peaceful times of my day.
I mentioned all these things just to say this: People who see me and observe my "walk" are probably not seeing in me the God of peace that we all long for. I am not representing well. I know that we all go through valleys and this is normal, but that doesn't excuse those strangers and acquaintenances that do not know my story. I don't feel compelled to tell it anyway.
My faith sustains me. I don't know where I would be without it - or maybe I do and it isn't pretty. Yet, it sure doesn't look that great from the outside observer. I just wish I was stronger.
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